Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:02 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
This is completely off topic. But as a former lexus soarer owner and contributor to the site i thought i would use it as a forum for my grief and perhaps a warning to other car lovers who may just find themselves in a similar situation. A few weeks ago i completely wrecked my uninsured soarer i thought i was pretty upset until i realised what was to come...my indonesian wife who i met in aus around 7 years ago decided she had had enough. I began to realise that the entire relationship was a financial one, she expected me to keep her in the manner she wanted to become accustomed to. Unfortunately due to the birth of our son - now 8 months and who i love dearly our finances pretty much dried up. She left me unexpectedly, did not leave a note..I thought that was pretty bad...but then i found out that she was in a womens refuge! right now you are probably think oh a wife basher...NOT THE CASE i was an extremely caring husband, provider and father. I am a registered nurse and myself refer women to these places, never in my wildest dreams did i think my wife would do this. So why? well a few weeks later (and of course i was the main carer for my son so obviously distraught) she said she would return home if i admitted to an AVO. I was stunned but agreed to anything - after all she said if i didnt accept it i would never see my son again...she wanted me to move out of the house and said that if i didnt sign a passport for her to go to indonesia i wouldnt see my son again. I didnt play the game and remained at home and now we are going through the family court and i am defending a vexatious AVO (btw the police do not require evidence from a 'victim' to issue an AVO). The reason i am posting all this is that i have been researching on the net and have found that in around 10% of marriage breakdowns women retrospectively claim domestic violence to increase the likelyhood of full custody of children or in my wife's case in order to increase chances of taking my boy overseas (which i now remember she has threatened on many previous occasions). The moral of the story...GET A PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT. PLEASE DONT BECOME ANOTHER MALE VICTIM. 2 MEN EACH DAY COMMIT SUICIDE DUE TO BEING DENIED ACCESS TO THIER OWN CHILDREN. Get a nice soarer but also get a nice person for a wife. Girls are not all nice.
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:09 pm, by: Justin Hughes(Juzza)
Do you need someone to talk to Ben ??? I've been dragged through a hedge backwards as well (not as bad as you) but I know where you're comin' from. I've PM'd you my home number - use it if you need to - anytime.
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:10 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
AVO is an apprehended violence order. The claim made was that at some unspecified time in the marrige i said 'i am going to kill you' and the night before she left i threw a teddy bear at her. An avo basically restricts a person from doing something that is illegal anyway - ie assult/harrasment etc. The difference is there is no assumption of innocence and that she can have me arrested whenever she feels like it for example calling her to work out arrangements for our child. And to think i was looking forward to my new life, buying a new soarer etc. Now i am spending upwards of 20k in legal costs!
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:12 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
Justin feel free to email your phone number i think i have it in controll at the moment but i go from being completely shattered to being angry Thanks again i may need some support later. ben
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:23 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
Thanks Paul i appreciate it. It feels good to air my problems. Most people i talk to especially at my workplace; i can see them thinking, geez i didnt know he was a wife basher. I was naive i really didnt know that the system was so in favour of women. Less than 20% of men get any custody whatsoever.
Neil Griffiths Trader NSW 1 x JZZ30,2 x UZZ31,1 x UZZ32,1 x UZZ Track Car,1 x AeroCabin,1 x Crown V8,1 x Celsior
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 09:26 pm, by: Neil Griffiths(Aussiesc)
Ben, Feel free to ring me as well... 02 6284 3111 (If you want my Home or Mobile No,,email me) I WONT post those on here
DO NOT SIGN the Passport Papers for your child..
Pace this out mate... DO NOT SPEND loads of money on Solicitors..They are only there to BLEED you, And fill you with False hopes..
Your worst to expect at the moment is CHILD SUPPORT..This part is the killer..
You WILL get custody to see your child again..
DO NOT enter ANY Plea Bargaining with your EX..
Stand Firm on your grounds..
Life DOES go on..No matter what..
Forget the Anger...I makes matters worse..And solves nothing.
Look at the LARGER picture (Instead of immediate) Your child has to grow up.. (I held back for 13 years to tell my Kids the truth,,ALL 4 of them )
Start thinking about reverse knowledge... Your Ex WILL tire of the ONUS she has just caused..It WILL catch up with her over the years..
DO NOT allow your child to go overseas (Support is there for her) You have a rite to denie the child having a Passport on the grounds it WILL interfear with your rites to contact..(This WILL remain until the child is 18)She CANNOT take your child from Australia..
So mate....Slow down..Get ya head around this..Look at life in long term..(For your childs sake).. Chill out..Life DOES go on mate.. Trust me
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 11:02 pm, by: Mark Paddick(Sparks)
Ben, listen to Neil. He knows about this stuff. So do I (twice). You can get my number from Neil too.
Just be thankful you don't have teenage girls. In 100% of separations where there is ill feeling between the parties the wife accuses the husband of sexuallly molesting the daughter (University of London figures)
Ben talk to the people around you who know your family including your wife and child. Ask them for a character reference and get it done on a legal document. As in time this could help if she try to do something in the future. Remember always cover your self! Sit tight and let her do all the talking. On the next cruise if you like to come alone you are welcome to come with me!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 08:08 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
ah geez thanks for all the support i really appreciate that there are people who can see reality - half the time i think that i might have done something wrong to cause all this. Thanks for the numbers i have got them if i get to a point i need them - i am a pretty shy guy so won't call anyone today Oh and thanks neil i suspect you are right about everything. Its hard to just bide my time when i am used to having my little boy with me pretty much all the time. My other problem is i cant stop caring about my wife, the more she does to me the more i feel sorry for her - stuck in a country she hates with no family etc. I dunno i can't hate as well as she can. Thanks again all. ben
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 08:58 pm, by: Kate Green(Mischief)
Ben, I cannot comprehend what you are going through but I keep my fingers crossed for you. From my perspective, as a female, I believe that men almost always get a raw deal when it comes to these sorts of issues. It really stinks. Men are just ignored on a wide range of issues, which for the most part seems to be instigated by females who are just plain bitchy men hating creatures. Try to keep your head up Ben, all the best.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 09:04 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
Thanks kate, i appreciate your support especially because you are a woman. I love women and don't for one minute think that all women do this type of thing. but a lot do, and a lot of men are complete jerks as well. i dont think its an issue about women, just an issue about bad people. Thanks again.
Neil Griffiths Trader NSW 1 x JZZ30,2 x UZZ31,1 x UZZ32,1 x UZZ Track Car,1 x AeroCabin,1 x Crown V8,1 x Celsior
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 09:33 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
neil if its no too personal can you tell me what happened. Email if you like. I have read the emails of many mens websites but the bulk of the messages are just too damn depressing and i dont wanna get involved. ben
Neil Griffiths Trader NSW 1 x JZZ30,2 x UZZ31,1 x UZZ32,1 x UZZ Track Car,1 x AeroCabin,1 x Crown V8,1 x Celsior
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 10:00 pm, by: Neil Griffiths(Aussiesc)
Ahhh,,What Happened...
Well,,To cut it short,, (After the ex was finished trying to stab me in front of the police)HAHHAHAHAHHA That WAS Funny..
I worked out a plan of execution... (Paintiance WAS the goal)
I LET my Ex take EVERYTHING from me.. Then I let her throw everything at me.. Once she had run out of amunition.. I started my life back on track.. (In the meantime I was working my ring off)
I eventually had ALL my Kids back.. Then Bought ALL our Furniture back from the EX for 1/2 of what I paid for it in the beginning.
Whilst I had my Kids...I was working 24/7 and looking after them.. I done this for 8 1/2 years..
I WAS DETERMINED...I kid you not..
Today..I enjoy my Kids all grown up (Not that they appreciate much) *Thats Kids hey*
All this has given me a VERY strong head..
Its very hard to explain...BUT..This IS the biggest thing to consider *PAITIANCE*...Time Always pays off...
Trust me.. Because of my understanding of all this separation rubbish..I have Assisted and Guided Deb during Her Separation / Divorce..And it has all worked out for the better for her..(Her Ex is a very hard Head and has a LOT to hide)heheheheh (But me fix him ) He has since been Married TWICE..hahahahaha (He wont learn,,hahhaha )
What I can say is... DO NOT Commit to a Passport..This WILL destroy ANY chances you have.. Play the game out WITHOUT spending a penny on Solicitors,,Ok..They WILL fail you.. (Save ya money for the CHILD SUPPORT) Do not try to scimp on this,,It will catch up with you..
If your Ex is in need of going home to her country..USE this against her in your game plan..
DO NOT take her BACK...This will just be a ploy for her to establish alternate grounds for extraction of your child..
This is the only stick you have to weild at the moment..Dont loose it..
Become Strong of Mind, Not of Heart.. (Sounds bad,,but,,Its the ONLY thing that will see you through)
So..Go about establishing your NEW life..Keep working..Keep your Childs room all nice and ready..Keep your House Clean..Keep ya head high..DO NOT get involved with another Woman just yet ,,(Get them outa ya mind for awhile) Start establishing what School in your area you would like your child to attend..Advance in your Career.. Just be prepared for the long haul.. NO PARTIES NO SOCIAL LIFE NO DRINKING Just TOTAL Commitment to your Game Plan..
Previous
i thought i was pretty upset until i realised what was to come...my indonesian wife who i met in aus around 7 years ago decided she had had enough. I began to realise that the entire relationship was a financial one, she expected me to keep her in the manner she wanted to become accustomed to. Unfortunately due to the birth of our son - now 8 months and who i love dearly our finances pretty much dried up. She left me unexpectedly, did not leave a note..I thought that was pretty bad...but then i found out that she was in a womens refuge! right now you are probably think oh a wife basher...NOT THE CASE i was an extremely caring husband, provider and father. I am a registered nurse and myself refer women to these places, never in my wildest dreams did i think my wife would do this. So why? well a few weeks later (and of course i was the main carer for my son so obviously distraught) she said she would return home if i admitted to an AVO. I was stunned but agreed to anything - after all she said if i didnt accept it i would never see my son again...she wanted me to move out of the house and said that if i didnt sign a passport for her to go to indonesia i wouldnt see my son again. I didnt play the game and remained at home and now we are going through the family court and i am defending a vexatious AVO (btw the police do not require evidence from a 'victim' to issue an AVO). The reason i am posting all this is that i have been researching on the net and have found that in around 10% of marriage breakdowns women retrospectively claim domestic violence to increase the likelyhood of full custody of children or in my wife's case in order to increase chances of taking my boy overseas (which i now remember she has threatened on many previous occasions). The moral of the story...GET A PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT. PLEASE DONT BECOME ANOTHER MALE VICTIM. 2 MEN EACH DAY COMMIT SUICIDE DUE TO BEING DENIED ACCESS TO THIER OWN CHILDREN. Get a nice soarer but also get a nice person for a wife. Girls are not all nice.
