Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 10:22 am, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
Hey Guys, I have a small issue to discuss with you all. My partner/fiancee and I bought a 2 bedroom flat a couple of months ago and moved into it. We only use one of the bedrooms. So the other one is pretty much unused though we have two double beds in each of them.
My partner's got a childhood friend. Her friend got married a few years ago and got busy with her life. They stopped talking to each other for the last 2 years and got on with their lives, nothing major/unpleasant has happened between them. A few months ago (4 months) she got in touch with my partner and arranged to come around to our flat one evening. Only then she told my partner that she now have an affair with some other guy behind the back of her husband for the last 1 year and she is in two minds about it and unable to make a decision.
Now 6 weeks ago she told my partner that she want to get a divorce and stay away from both the guys to have a clear mind to make a decision and she was looking for a room to move out quickly. Looking at her situation we offered her to stay in our second bedroom until she gets her things sorted.
The beginning of this week she decided to move in with the new guy and told us that she wants to move out on coming sunday. We obviously said we dont have a problem with that. Later she said that she wants us (me and my partner) to meet her friend, so we arranged to go for a dinner on saturday. Just yesterday(thursday) she said that she would like to invite her friend to our flat to help her with packing her stuff as she wants is moving out on Sunday. Though we know that she only got a couple of bags of stuff with her, we said we are ok with that. We actually planned to go out today evening to the films but we cancelled it as she invited her friend to come over to our place.
Her friend came to our flat today(friday) @ 8:30. Though he came to our flat on the pretence of helping my partners friend to pack her stuff, all he did is to sit in our living room chatting with us and drinking wine. We have no problem with that and we had an hour of good chat. Only then I found out that he works in IT, loves football and owns a TT supra and also an ex member of the MKIV club (which I am a current member). So we had a few things common to chat about. Then I left the living room and went to my other room to do some pending work.
Later on he turned out to be an an ego centric, arrogant prick and was being rude both to my partner and to her friend. How my partner's friend and her guy treat each other is non of our business. But my partner felt uncomfortable talking to him and found him to be rude. He stayed until 23:45 and then comes the big question. My partner's friend asked my partner infront of this guy whether he can stay overnight in her room. My partner clearly said to her that she is not expecting this and she is totally uncomfortable about the prospect of him staying over night. She felt that she dont know him yet as this being the first meeting and she found this strange that her friend is putting her in this position. Then the guy left our flat immediately banging the door and not even saying goodbye.
I was not in the living room and was totally oblivious to what was happening until I heard the bang of the door. I felt very upset the way he treated me and my partner. I also felt very upset that her friend put us in an uncomfortable situation though it is her who wanted her friend to meet us and be pals.
I am a bit upset about how things panned out My partner's friend is not happy either and she blames us that we dont trust her friend, even though we have no problems with trusting him. She says that we might have told her before, that we will feel uncomfortable to meet her friend even though we clearly said to her that we are only uncomfortable for him to stay overnight and continue on the drinking session. We would like to have our own privacy and dont want anybody to bother us.
What would you guys have done if some thing like this happens to you? Do you let this guy stay overnight in your flat and feel uncomfortable or do you do the same thing as we did and say no? Is it right for this guy to come to our flat stay for more than 3 hours chatting and drinking and then go away with out saying even goodbye? I found this quite rude and uncivilized. Is it right for my partner's friend to ask my partner whether he can stay overnight knowing that we dont know him that well and this is our first meeting?
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 11:21 am, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
I dont see what we have done wrong in here. My partner's friend seems to believe that though she is thankful that we gave her the room to stay, she thinks we should have trusted this guy and let him stay overnight (though we dont have any problem with trusting this guy). Then she goes on to blame us for not saying no to meet him in the first place. We were not even thinking about meeting this guy until my partner's friend insisted that we meet him. She doesnot get the simple thing that we dont have a problem with meeting this guy but we are uncomfortable for him to stay overnight! This whole thing spoiled the evening for us!
All we wanted is to have our privacy and left alone with our lives!! My partner's friend has no respect for that. Hope things dont turn bad to worse tomorrow. If not, our weekend would be totally screwed.
Don Bagnall Moderator New Zealand 2002 Ford Fairmont AUII 6 cyl.
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 11:45 am, by: Don Bagnall(Baggs)
Your partners friend sounds like she has a hidden agenda, and is being manipulative to get her own way. Her "man" sounds like a cock, and you were VERY right to say no to him staying overnight (which could lead to more unplesantness if he suddenly decides it's a green light to stay longer).
Your partners friend sounds a bit flaky to me, and I think you'd do well not to get dragged into her sordid "It's all about me" life.
Stick to your guns Raj, and let us know how it turns out.
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 11:59 am, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
The thought of this guy staying longer never crossed my mind. Thanks Don, now I feel much better that we said NO to this guy, if not, I dont know what I will have to put up with!
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 01:36 pm, by: Dave Hart(Davyboy)
Having others stay (I'm talking weeks not months)in your flat can have all sorts of repercussions if you need to make an insurance claim. Close friends and family only is my advice and then only if they pass scrutiny.
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 01:51 pm, by: Aiden Cheese(Chillpen)
Raj Somarouthu wrote on Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 10:22 am:
Only then she told my partner that she now have an affair with some other guy behind the back of her husband for the last 1 year and she is in two minds about it and unable to make a decision.
This here was the line. Harbouring a awful relationship like this as the pretence of a "hey haven't spoken to you for a few months..." means they probably went through their current friends, current family and then trickled down to people that they hadn't seen for a while.
I'm just guessing wildly, but i was already incredibly sceptical by that line there. The fact it got worse was not even shocking. If you can't have a solid relationship with a married man you should be divorcing and starting by getting to know yourself and your own wants so you don't jump ship the first time another man shows interest.
It takes a special kind of guy to hit on a married woman too. A disrespectful guy. Especially when the marriage is young. (edit: although i just re-read your post and realised you didn't say how l ong they were married for some reason i had they'd only been married a few years as in like 3ish years)
Finally its your house, you're allowed to tell them whatever the hell you want! She was lucky to get any support out of you at all. She's the evil one here.
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 02:45 pm, by: Tim Ross(Retox)
Your house.
Your rules!
You did you friend a favour by letting her stay. She has absolutely no right to have an opinion about who YOU let stay in YOUR house.
I'd be telling her its no wonder her sense of respect and priorities are all •••••• up if thats the kind of rude scum she is associating herself with and throwing a marriage away for.
Distance and lots of it is what I would be wanting
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 07:21 pm, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
Thanks guys, you are all right and I think we did the right thing to say no. My partner and her childhood friend were not in contact for the last 3 years after she got married to a guy whom she was with the previous 7 years. During these 3 years of her post marriage my partner tried to contact her a few times but never received any response. They are not that close friends anymore. My partner's friend was having an affair with this new guy for 1 year and have been living a lie with her husband. We should not have given her the room in the first place. Only thought this would help her to not to live a lie but we obviously made a mistake. Hopefully she moves out tomorrow with out any hassle and we can have peace of mind and privacy to ourselves.
Saturday, June 05, 2010 - 08:59 pm, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
When you ask a question for which the answer can be either a YES or a NO, then you should prepare yourself to deal with either of the answers even before asking a question and stop behaving childish and expect the answer to be favourable to you at all times.
Ian Johnston Goo Roo South Australia UZZ30 GT 4.0, UZZ31, BMW R1150R
Sunday, June 06, 2010 - 04:02 am, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
Can you guys believe this!! My partner's friend is supposed to leave tomorrow. We went out for walk to get some sun in the afternoon and when we came back home @ 6:30 we found a letter on the dining table saying that she was in a hurry and she has to leave. She took all her stuff away and left the flat. Never even called us to say that she was moving out today. I find her behaviour quite weird though in a way I am happy that she finally left the flat.
Don Bagnall Moderator New Zealand 2002 Ford Fairmont AUII 6 cyl.
Sunday, June 06, 2010 - 07:58 am, by: David Vaughan(Davidv)
Check the silverware.
The last time something like that happened with me, a long time ago, there was no forwarding address so I was unable to recover some of my record collection which she borrowed on the way out.
I am probably being too cynical. Even with her odd behaviour, this one sounds like a closer friend than the acquaintance who flatted with us.
Sunday, June 06, 2010 - 09:53 am, by: Raj Somarouthu(Edinlexusv8)
Will get the keys to our flat changed tomorrow. None of our stuff went missing, everything seems to be as it was in the flat before. So I think this is the end of all the trouble I suppose. Thanks for all your advice folks ....
Sunday, June 06, 2010 - 06:33 pm, by: Ben Kelly(Ace)
i agree with all of the above. it certainly sounds like it could have been worse. This woman sounds like she has serious issues which is probably why she hooked up with such a dickhead. borderline personality disorder? anyway lesson learned buddy!
Tuesday, June 08, 2010 - 01:26 am, by: Costa Tsimiklis(Driftshop)
1st. I would have knocked that c.unt out if he disrespected my wife/partner in my own fuc.king house!
2nd. She's a cheating bitch for dogging her husband like that. You guys should not get involved.
3rd. I wouldnt want some supra boi pumping some best friend wananabe in the room next door. He has a house, and a supra (?) so he can drive himself home?!
4th. It sounds like a scheme by the cheater to get her partner supra boi in the house and comfortable with him staying in your place, at his own will.
Do yourself a favor Raj, Kick the bitch out (and stay out) and let the two males implicated in the marriage and cheating sort it out on their own terms. She can move in with supra boi and not chew up your resources and mindset in your own place. I'm not a fan of having people over most of the time, but I put up with it as long as they are respectful and if its a case of after party drink and we stop them from driving home, then that's ok too.
If he was that pissed that he couldnt drive home, then you had a somewhat moral obligation to wait until he was sober and send him on his way. If he was just a prick because he cant get his own way and that he is the 3rd wheel regardless (because she is still married right up until the divorce), he has no right or place in the house.
In addition, what about the poor other guy who has a cheating wife, who has left him for supra boi? I'm sure he would not appreciate the situation, regardless of friendship between your partner and her. Its a huge emotional head case dude...... The last thing you want is marital royal rumble in your living room with supra boi, the cheater and the husband and you guys stuck in the middle.
Anyway, house is back to normal, so now you can walk around naked again lol... it sucks that you had to bear the cost and inconvenience of changing the locks because of the situation. Check all your hidden stashes of cash and emergency credit cards etc if you have them, as well as your jewelery and so forth. "Friends" from the past always lead to trouble. You grew out of the friendship for a reason. If you were worth a damn, they would have kept in touch as normal people, instead of disappearing only to inconvenience you with a demand for old times sake.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010 - 12:33 pm, by: Natasha D'Abreo(Natashad)
So let me get this straight... some random dude come into YOUR house, acts like a C*unt to both your partner and yourself... I would have told him to get out as soon as he said something disrespectful. Is your partners mate ok in the head... If shes a good friend she wouldnt have asked a guy thats rude to stay over in your ouse knowing you uncomfortable about it. Maybe your partners friend is really lonely from her divorce and is pouncing on anything. No offence but anyone that has the nerve to cheat on there partner is an ignorant piece of crap in my eyes... if you dont share the same feelings, you tell them, thats what a relationship is, not fu"*cking around with other people. I swear its like a stereotype to keep men on a short leash because they wont be loyal, but seriously , its the girls... I know of heaps of girls and women that cheat on the boyfriend and husband... its horrible, girls are worse than guys trust me! You dont want you partner hanging around a girl like that, bad influence. She obviously isnt the same friend that she was a while back. I say tell her to leave, if she is "ready" to see other guys them she's ready to find her own place, and invite all the guys she wants (cough cough ... ••••) Glad shes out! Anyway hope all went well
Tuesday, June 08, 2010 - 10:00 pm, by: Aiden Cheese(Chillpen)
Matt Sartori wrote on Tuesday, June 08, 2010 - 09:03 pm:
A cheater is lacking in knowledge/uninformed/unaware?
haha i was giggling to myself about this a little as well. I was thinking arrogant might have fit better but would only be limited to some situations where the person really feels like they're a gift to the world so any partner should be lucky to be with them as long as they have been.
But lets not pick apart posts we understand the gist
Previous
My partner's friend is not happy either and she blames us that we dont trust her friend, even though we have no problems with trusting him. She says that we might have told her before, that we will feel uncomfortable to meet her friend even though we clearly said to her that we are only uncomfortable for him to stay overnight and continue on the drinking session. We would like to have our own privacy and dont want anybody to bother us. 
