Saturday, September 18, 2010 - 07:06 am, by: Steve Latimer(Latsus)
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins? A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex? A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive? A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter? A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit? A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road? A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit? A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night? A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving? A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame? A. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job? A. Big Mac please.
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does. 2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.' 5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.' 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo. 9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .' 10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels. 11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it. 12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 13. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk. 16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Saturday, September 18, 2010 - 03:03 pm, by: Brett Cutts(Boof390)
My 87 year old grandfather passed away a couple of months ago. He was a die hard Collingwood supporter for 82 of those 87 years. I would hate to be upstairs with him if Collingwood win a grand final this year and he is not here to see it. St Peter might just learn a few new choice descriptive terms regarding his ancestry
Thursday, September 23, 2010 - 06:51 am, by: Steve Latimer(Latsus)
Warren, nah, don't think so, I'm outer east.
A woman walks into the Collingwood social benefits office, trailed by 15 kids...
'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?
'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'
'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.'
'OK, and who's next?'
'Well, this one he is Terry, also.'
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?'
Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.' The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'
Previous
