Soarer Central: Archive through August 09, 2006

Soarer Central Test Post and Forum Issues New Funnies Thread. Archive through August 09, 2006

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Don Bagnall
Moderator
New Zealand
I have LESS Soarers than Hayden :-(

Posts: 4344
Reg: 05-2005

Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!)

Friday, July 28, 2006 - 05:36 pm, by: Don Bagnall (Baggs)

Excellent!!!! Adam.

OK, my turn.............."What bounces up and down in a baby's crib"?

A child molesters bottom.

Ian Johnston
DieHard
South Australia
UZZ30 GT 4.0

Posts: 715
Reg: 07-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Friday, July 28, 2006 - 07:02 pm, by: Ian Johnston (Ted)

, Don.

Mel Morgan
TryHard
Qld
Soarer V8 UZZ32

Posts: 189
Reg: 07-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Friday, July 28, 2006 - 08:28 pm, by: Mel Morgan (Active8)

Those were great, got tears in me eyes.
Nice one Adam, love your work.

Ken Cornell
DieHard
Western Australia
4.0GT V8 Soarer

Posts: 526
Reg: 01-2006

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 11:59 am, by: Ken Cornell (Dunadan)

Sam, that mid-term one was pure gold

Stephen Waters
Tinkerer
Qld
TT

Posts: 17
Reg: 07-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 02:47 pm, by: Stephen Waters (Chevo)

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in.

She says, "You've got to make love to me -- this very moment."

He thinks, 'This is my lucky day,' and gives it his all on the kitchen
table.

He says afterwards, "What was that all about?"

She says, "The egg timer's broken."

Rob Andreacchio
Moderator
Victoria
Supercharged VT Calais

Posts: 1698
Reg: 01-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 02:48 pm, by: Rob Andreacchio (Reepa)

Did y'all hear about the worker at Chaddy a few days ago????

He was working up in the roof and fell face first through it into a shoe store???

I nearly wet myself when I heard about it....

And when he finished work, he got in his soarer and drove home

Peter Nitschke
JunkFilterer
South Australia
GT4.0 V8

Posts: 5358
Reg: 11-2004

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 07:09 pm, by: Peter Nitschke (Pen)

Nathan Richardson
TryHard
Queensland
UZZ 32 #445 (V8 5Speed)

Posts: 122
Reg: 02-2006

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 07:01 pm, by: Nathan Richardson (Richtheblack)

Don Bagnall
Moderator
New Zealand
I have LESS Soarers than Hayden :-(

Posts: 4356
Reg: 05-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 07:14 pm, by: Don Bagnall (Baggs)

Nathan Collier
Tinkerer
Vic
4.0 GT Limited V8

Posts: 18
Reg: 06-2006

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Monday, July 31, 2006 - 07:23 am, by: Nathan Collier (Collz)

A man goes into a church and says to a priest
"tell me father, i have been having feelings for a nun. Would it be a sin if i kissed her"
The father reply's "no son, just don't get into the habit"

Stephen Waters
Tinkerer
Qld
TT

Posts: 20
Reg: 07-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Monday, July 31, 2006 - 03:39 pm, by: Stephen Waters (Chevo)

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time! Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank - every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more....... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."

Passenger. "Wow, some bloke then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - the perfect man!"

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

>

Cabbie: "I married his f @*+-*g widow."

Dave Hart
DieHard
Waikato
UZZ32

Posts: 746
Reg: 08-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 02:00 pm, by: Dave Hart (Davyboy)

There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island. There were only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So.........................

They buried her.

Dave Hart
DieHard
Waikato
UZZ32

Posts: 747
Reg: 08-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 02:14 pm, by: Dave Hart (Davyboy)

This guy owns a horse stud farm. One day a friend phones him up and says,
'there's this dwarf with a speech impediment I know who wants to buy a
horse, so I've sent him round to see you.'
Sure enough the dwarf turns up. The owner asks him, 'do you want a male
horse or a female horse?'
'A female horth', the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare.
'Nith horth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?'
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.
'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?'
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
'Nith teeth, can I see her eerth?' the dwarf says. By now the owner is
getting a little fed up but again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him
the horses ears.
'Nith eerth' he says 'now, can I see her twot?'
With this the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the
horse's vagina, he holds him there for a second before pulling him out and
putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, 'maybe I should wefwaze that. Can I see
her wun awound!'

Dave Hart
DieHard
Waikato
UZZ32

Posts: 748
Reg: 08-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 02:16 pm, by: Dave Hart (Davyboy)

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar
stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy
yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know
something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6'
tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman
sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your
right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously,
Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy thinks a moment and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times."

Dave Hart
DieHard
Waikato
UZZ32

Posts: 749
Reg: 08-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 02:23 pm, by: Dave Hart (Davyboy)

Genuine answers from Family Fortunes.........>>

Name:-

Something a blind person might use........A sword
A song with moon in the title........Blue suede moon
A bird with a long neck........Naomi Campbell
An occupation where you need a torch........A burglar
A famous brother and sister........Bonnie & Clyde
An item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers........A horse
Something that floats in the bath........Water
Something you wear on the beach........A deckchair
Something red........My cardigan
A famous cowboy........Buck Rogers
A famous Royal........Mail
A number you have to memorise........7
Something you do before going to bed........Sleep
Something you put on walls........Roofs
Something in the garden that's green........The shed
Something that flies without an engine........A bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to........Skiing
A famous bridge........Bridge over troubled waters
Something a cat does........Goes to the toilet
An animal you might see at the zoo........A dog
Something associated with the police........Pigs
A sign of the zodiac........April
A dangerous race........The Arabs
A kind of ache........Fillet 'O' fish
A food that can be brown or white........Potatoes
A jacket potato topping........Jam
A famous Scotsman........Jock
Another famous Scotsman........Vinnie Jones
Something with a hole in it........A window
A non-living object with legs........A plant
A domestic animal........Leopard
A part of the body beginning with 'N'........Knee
Something you open other than a door........Your bowels
A reason for standing up quickly........Going to church
Something you jump on........A spider
Something you do in the bathroom........Decorate
Something slippery........A conman

Tim Appleton
TryHard
QLD
UZZ31

Posts: 245
Reg: 07-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Friday, August 04, 2006 - 06:55 am, by: Tim Appleton (Timbo)

Dave Hart wrote on Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 02:00 pm:
There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island. There were only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So.........................

They buried her.

A couple more years went by and the guys began feeling horrible about what they were doing to each other. So they dug her up.