Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 08:38 pm, by: Sam Schreck(Schreck300)
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk a) Innovative b) Preliminary c) Proliferation Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk . a) Specificity b) British Constitution c) Passive-aggressive disorder d) Transubstantiate Things that are COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk a) Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to come back to your place. b) Nope, no more beer for me, I've had enough. c) Sorry, but you're not really my type. d) No kebab for me, thank you. e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? f) I'm not interested in fighting you. g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing. h) I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning. k) Look, it would be great to sleep with you but I hardly know you. l) That guy is looking at my wife but I am sure it's just because he knows her or something. I'm not going to worry about it. m) That chair looks wobbly and dangerous and I certainly wouldn't try balancing on it with this short skirt on in case I fell off. n) I must get to my bed as I could never have a really good sleep in that hedge / pavement / skip. p) I honestly don't think the rest of the city centre wants to see my bare arse. q) No. you are not my bestest mate in the whole world. I've only known you for a few hours. r) I'm sure those young women are extremely intelligent and have wonderful personalities. s) I'm sure my feet would be damaged for life if I take my shoes off and walk all the way home. u) Me? go for a pee in the men's toilet because the ladies queue is too long? I don't think so. v) I'll just have a big glass of water before I go to bed so I don't have a hangover in the morning.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 07:02 pm, by: Don Bagnall(Baggs)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off! ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
Neil Griffiths Trader NSW 1 x JZZ30,2 x UZZ31,1 x UZZ32,1 x UZZ Track Car,1 x AeroCabin,1 x Crown V8,1 x Celsior
Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 08:22 pm, by: Sam Schreck(Schreck300)
Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Gosh, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the remote is? Love, Dave
Sunday, October 16, 2005 - 01:20 am, by: Jeff Hogan(Hoges)
why is this in the test post area i wonder? anyhoo:
MORAL QUESTION
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The
test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
===============================================
THE SITUATION
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
===============================================
THE TEST
Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life,
trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realise who it is. It's George W. Bush!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options--you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful politicians.
===============================================
THE QUESTION
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
Sunday, October 16, 2005 - 01:37 pm, by: Neil Griffiths(Aussiesc)
After years of trying to get Deb to have anal sex, She finally said yes ! But, When she came outa the bathroom with a strap on Dildo, I decided against the idea..
Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 10:09 pm, by: Chris Ryan(Ryzan)
A guy goes off to church and comes home with a black eye.
His wife asks "How did you get that?"
"Well, I was sitting behind this big fat lady, and we stood up to sing hymns, and her dress was stuck in the crack of her bum. Being the nice guy I am, I leant over and pulled it our for her, and she turned around and *WHACK*"
"You'll know better for next time then won't you dear"
Next week, same guy goes off to church and comes back with another black eye.
His wife asks, "What happened this time?"
"Well, I was sitting behind the same big fat lady, and when we stood up to sing hymns, and her dress was stuck in the crack of her bum again. The guy next to me leant over and pulled it out, but I knew she didn't like it like that, so I tucked it back in.........."
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I'd go for colour.
